Covid Diaries….
The Rona Coaster…
Had a few requests to talk about my experiences with recent COVID infection so we here we flow! Wasn’t sure I was going to create anything about it as I didn’t want to add to the overwhelming amount of literature, videos, whatsapps, articles etc etc….And I definitely didn’t want to add to the element of FEAR that all this has created. So here is my experience, my intention with it is give hope to those others going THROUGH IT, right now.
I’d say I’ve been pretty chill since the start of the coaster 18 months ago, having not been sick for many years my attitude was well if I get it I’m sure my body would recover from it. Having also travelled a fair bit last year and been pretty social once the restrictions were lifted I’d also kind of convinced myself maybe I was just either lucky or my had some kind of natural immunity to it. It finally caught up with me in early July on a mini trip to Barcelona…
For me personally, it hit me hard, fast, deep. Like being hit by a train…OUSH, BANG, YOU’RE IN… no wonder they call it the corona-coaster. I’d taken a test upon re arrival to ibiza (as requested) and that came back negative. Felt OK until that night. Then it began….Woke up with all my muscles aching, banging head, banging neck and almost like my muscles were squirming…Absolutely WILD chaotic dreams, quite the trip…Then the next day BOSH I felt out of it. I think for the next few days I slept for around 18-20 hours a day. My head felt full – like there was absolutely no space for anything else.
The first few days were super rough, I was unable to move from the sofa, I experienced a lot of RAGE, anger, and later deep deep sadness. I also slept, and slept, and slept and slept. Was difficult to focus, like this phenomenal head fog. Also felt like my soul had been suspended whilst the virus bashed it’s way through. Day 4 sciatic pain started and my calf muscles felt like they were attached to a tens machine that had been cranked up to full volume. For me personally this was definitely not something from nature….this of course added to the anger and sadness that some human had designed this bloody thing.
The virus seems to work through all aspects of your body, emotionally, mentally, physically and energetically. It also seemed to hone on your areas of weakness, previous injury, or previous trauma and CRANK up the discomfort there. As a described to friends, it reminded me a lot of the scene in Jurassic Park, where the rangers says the raptors are ‘Testing the fences for weaknesses, they remember’….ha
Emotionally and mentally it also seemed to press my hot button, feeling all alone, having to do everything alone, nobody cares, I’m in isolation etc etc.
By day 15 I started feeling much better. Still had to take deep deep rests during the day and witnessing energy and emotional super lows. Had emotional outbursts. I’d call it kind of a rebirth, as in you feel like a 6 month old baby. Dramatic. Tired. Up & down. Left & Right.
I’d love to say that my years of Yoga practice, meditation and the wildest journey of explorations from consciousness to cosmicisms and everything in between saved my bacon.
But, at the time they didn’t!
I left the mat out but on days when I tried to get on it, mostly I’d end up lying in a foetues position, hugging on to my yoga blocks, crying, reminiscent of that famous scene in Titanic…(Jack there’s a boat….There is no boat though….Only yoga blocks and a blanket..)
Until Day 16.
Things started to SHIFT. For the better….
I enrolled on a Kundalini 40 day Sadhana. The first 3 days were really tough, and I kept beating myself up for how weak I was. I’m ploughing myself with nutrients, if it’s got the word SUPER in it, it’s gone in….ha! I’ve managed to return to swimming, I’ve done yoga, strength workouts, and back in the Yoga flow but slow slow. And the Kundalini is working her magic. The key is a switch in mindset too (thank you to my amazing therapist Miftau), to being CURIOUS…instead of beating self up on how weak I am, what I was able to do just before COVID (teaching yoga, offering PT and working out twice a day), I’m being curious about what my body is able to do now. And celebrating every little thing.
I’m now on Day 27 of the kundalini journey and it’s really helping! Back to working out, and daily practice – I’m definitely not quite where I was but I’m staying in this CURIOUS mind mindset and practising PRESENCE (as I say practising, not always succeeding!)
I am super aware I am one of the lucky ones. It was dark, deep, fast, and nasty. Sending so much love to anyone going through isolation or any kind of illness right now. Hope you are getting the support you need, and remember- the only thing permanent in this entire universe is impermanence.
I’m working online in Portugal if you need to receive- Yoga (from anything strong and flowing- to more slow and restful), Mindfulness/Meditaiton/Reiki, and Physical Training programs. I’m also here if you just need a ear.
Much Love
xxx
Images above- DURING, images, this week- NOW….Back in the room!
